3 Ways to Tap Your Confidence Mindset

In many business and life situations, confidence is actually more important to getting what you want than skill, talent, worth ethic, or intelligence. What holds most of us back when we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory is having that comfort of confidence. Unfortunately, it only comes by acting. Here’s what you need to know.

  1. Replace “I can’t” with “I will.” As Martin Seligman says, “Changing the destructive things you say to yourself when you experience the setbacks that life deals all of us is the central skill of optimism.” Have you ever noticed? Optimism looks a lot like confidence.
  2. See the challenge as a gift. What is this failure begging for? A courageous conversation? A bold stand about your place in the world? Stop resisting what is happening and deal with it. Realize that if we impulsively protect ourselves from our human need to fail, to feel anxious and overwhelmed, we simultaneously protect ourselves from developing our skills to grow. Confidence comes from doing something you’ve never done before. Before you do it, there’s always a question about whether you will succeed or fail. The only way to find out is to act.
  3. Do something differently. When things are difficult or painful, we believe without a doubt that things have gone horribly wrong. In response, we do everything we can to make things feel right again. EVEN if that means relying on trusted, ineffective habits like blaming yourself or giving up and walking away. If you want something different, you need to think, speak, and BE different. This means going with what’s uncomfortable. Asking for a second conversation. Asking for support from those who have your best interest at heart, regardless of the vulnerability of the situation. Perhaps even breaking out your Black Madonna and laying down boundaries when you need to stop the invading armies from breaking your spirit.

 

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The belief that opened doors for me? Discovering I could serve others through making the right requests. The request itself became a vehicle for personal transformation. I became more courageous and more confident.